Getting feedback is SO important to your growth as a speaker, but sometimes it’s difficult to find feedback that will actually be helpful to you.

When you ask “So what did you think?” there are 3 types of feedback you’re likely to get…

1. Vague (usually in a positive way)
“Yeah, you were great” is lovely to hear, but not useful in any specific way other than being encouraging if you were very nervous or worried.

2. Irrelevant (often mostly negative)
This person might give you lots of details about things that bothered them, but they might not be relevant to what you want to improve, or even have anything to do with your competence as a speaker. (One of my favourite pieces of this type of feedback was something they didn’t like about the shape of my mouth… Still not sure what they expected me to do about that.)

A long list of what you did wrong isn’t necessarily good for your self-esteem or your speaking instincts. Especially if it’s something you can’t do anything about.

3. Specific and balanced
We’ve all heard of the sandwich technique, which is a great way to approach feedback, but either way, the most useful thing to hear is why something worked or didn’t. That way you can evaluate the feedback itself and decide if that person’s perspective is in alignment with your goals.

​The truth is that receiving useful feedback lies with you. And it starts before you even get on stage.

"I don't know what to do with my hands!"

I hear this SO often. And not just from inexperienced speakers.

The irony is that many of us are very comfortable using our hands in regular conversation (I personally am so comfortable, I have to be careful about holding drinks while chatting at parties...) but put us on stage and suddenly even the most charismatic speakers can turn into wooden puppets.

Most speakers, at least when they’re starting out, will prepare for a talk as follows:

1. Spend most of their preparation time writing and rewriting the script
2. Spend the rest of their preparation time creating slides
3. Read through the script at the last minute in a frantic attempt to memorize it.
4. Print out the entire talk and take it up on stage with them

𝗔𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗽𝗼𝗶𝗻𝘁, 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗸𝗲𝗿 𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝗮𝗰𝗲𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗮 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲. 

𝗗𝗢 𝗡𝗢𝗧 𝗽𝗶𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗮𝘂𝗱𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗻𝗮𝗸𝗲𝗱! 𝗡𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿.

It blows my mind that this advice still gets tossed around in the public speaking community. Especially for more inexperienced speakers.

Yes, I understand the reasoning behind the advice: you're trying to feel less intimidated and scared by imagining a ridiculous situation. You're also ruining the only reason anyone speaks in the first place – 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗮𝘂𝗱𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲.

How are you supposed to maintain a connection with your audience, engage them, 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗯 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗯𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗹, if you're busy creating an overlay of an alternate reality?

Here are some healthier tips to consider when you're feeling like you'd rather escape to a different dream reality than be speaking in front of people...